Will the English still drink Irn Bru? Will there be a separate border set up between the two countries with a toll in the middle and in what currency will it be paid? The Scotto sounds like a good bet for me! The notes could have a picture of Billy Connolly instead of the Queen but Sean Connery would be on the fifties. Post boxes will be changed from red to blue….Dulux are already mixing the royal blue as we speak for the tender.
Perhaps the scots will go the whole hog and start up their own language? Scottish! Of course there is Celtic history in their language and there are undertones with Irish from the time of the Vikings. But imagine if they started their own language. Some would say from listening to the likes of Kenny Daglish in the past that they have their own language but imagine if they really took it on? A language that was for their nationals only – the same way as if you go to Spain and are lost when asking for a bottle of milk. We will go into a local newsagent in Glasgow pointing animatedly at a map looking for directions to Edinburgh and the man behind the counter will now be alien to our foreign language.
“Keyn yay trinsleet dot pleeze?....Freeze boks ar hon the stind aweey ovur deear.”
Or how about if they decide to start driving on the right hand side of the road…just for the hell of it! Coming down into England would cause terrible problems at the border ( the one that they have set up with the new currency on the toll. Two Scotto’s to cross, three if you are English) Imagine the criss cross as you attempted to get to the other side as you entered England. A final insult to the English as the Scottish flag becomes embedded in their roads.
Websites will need to be changed from Archiefleming.co.uk to Archiefleming.sc , Pop bands will no longer be eligible for Brit awards or they won’t want to be. Team GB will no longer be part of the Olympics, thanks be to Christ and scotch eggs will no longer need to be determined as such and will just be …..eggs.
And what about the chief police agency in England? Scotland Yard…Does this have implications that Scotland looks on England merely as…. well their backyard? The BBC will now have to be called SBC in Scotland only and what about allegiance to the Queen? Will those who are loyalists be loyal to Mary Queen of Scots because technically they can’t be loyal to the queen of another country! Well in fairness the English are loyal to Graham Norton so maybe that argument isn’t as strong as the rest.
But one great Scottish answer that has baffled us for years will be answered. No not about Robert Burns and the spider, but the big question of what a Scots man wears under his kilt?
Every Scots man will now be provided by the new Scottish parliament for ‘under the kilt wearing’ with a guide book and two Scotto’s…..for when the next stage comes. Crossing the toll for the invasion of England!
“It's a braw bricht moon-licht nicht Y're a 'richt ye ken!”
Where’s Mel Gibson when you need him?