Yet…
Yet there is such a place. A place where…a place that even Captain Kirk could never have deciphered. A place so unimaginable to any mans mind that it could leave him traumatised until the end of eternity. A place of mystery that not only has a special ambience to it…but an enigmatic quality that only the owner can truly define.
The owner? What owner? Where is this place? Is this a planet that has not been discovered yet full of dragons and valleys? Where is this land he speaks of?!
No. I’m talking about a woman’s handbag.
The place where every man fears and no man understands.
“Where are the keys to the car?”
“In my handbag!”
The eyes strike open. The hair stands up on the back of the neck. “Do I have to go in there?” Like someone on the outside of a cave where a sleeping bear resides.
For a woman’s handbag is one of the greatest mysteries of our time. Why is it that every woman who ever lived seems to have such trouble in finding something in a space that two hands cant fit at the same time? How can such a small space cause so much confusion?
“It’s in here somewhere…I had only an hour ago.”
How can everything from a sticking plaster to an eyebrow pencil or a lotto ticket be deemed to be the correct place to be housed in the one spot? Surely there has to be some form of decorum in a vacuum so small?
Please tell me when they were designed that handbags had a purpose. A reason to be the holding area for items that were easily accessible. Yet most women appear to be strangling a weasel when looking for the coin for the trolley at Tesco.
“Where did I leave it?”
Yet when a man even dares to look for something in there, he knows ….oh how he knows he has entered the lions den.
“Give it here…..Give it here.”
For whatever chance the owner has, a man will never be qualified to extricate himself from the puzzle or maze of a journey that his hand has now embarked upon. He wont. He cant. For no man can ever understand this place. No man can even start to understand the realms of possibility or the methodology that has gone before him to where he finds his hands now.
“You’ll never find it.”
Some men have been lost and never found. Some say that a woman’s handbag is the back door into Narnia. Others believe Shergar fell into a woman’s handbag in the eighties.
“I knew it was in there. Sure I was only looking at it yesterday.
Yet….it will never be tidied, for even when a handbag is replaced, the cycle starts again. No new broom here. No fresh start with this new bad boy. No, Toto never gets back to Kansas with this story. The greatest irony of it all for the poor, poor man who is impeached upon this wreckless adventure?
Next Christmas he will get her, the same gift again….for a woman loves her handbag.